Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
May 30, 2020
I joined a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) gym several years ago. For those who don’t know what that is, BJJ is a self-defense martial art based on grappling, ground fighting and submission holds. It teaches that a smaller person can successfully defend themselves from a larger, stronger person by using leverage and weight distribution if the fight is taken to the ground and submissions are used to defeat them [1] .
Throughout my training, I typically found myself trapped under these stronger, heavier and much more skilled students as they bore all their weight down on my chest or back. Kind of like an actual bear smothering you as you lied on the ground. It was probably one of the most uncomfortable positions I’ve been in my adult life.
The Lesson
On one occasion, a much more experienced student, a brown belt, pinned me to the ground immediately after we began sparring. I struggled to breathe while my face was crushed against the floor and most of his weight on my chest. In a panic, I frantically attempted to throw him off and with each attempt, more energy wasted without much gain. He was in total control. As I gasped for air while struggling to move, he calmly said – “breathe”. Each time I attempted to throw him off without success, he would say it again – “breathe”. When I finally gave in and took his advice, I stopped struggling and I took in several deep breaths. I could breathe. My panic subsided and my head cleared. I didn’t get out from under him that round, but I took the lesson.
Whether he knew it or not, he was teaching me to be comfortable. Catch your breath. Control your breathing. Take stock of your position. Understand your opponent’s position. Think through your next move. Use your energy wisely. Get comfortable being uncomfortable because you will be in this position again and you will need to remain calm to understand the situation. You will learn from it.
I was excited. I began seeking these experiences where I was pinned, stuck, breathless and tired. Every single one of these uncomfortable moments was a chance to learn how to control my breathing, to feel my opponent’s weight distribution and to think through the next move. I was learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
In discomfort, you will adapt and learn. You will grow. After some time, the discomfort will fade and you will be comfortable again. But, the skills, knowledge and fortitude that got you there will remain. Then you have to get uncomfortable again.
The Lesson in Action
I was lucky enough to get a chance to use this idea in my professional life. A few months after starting my BJJ training, a job opportunity crossed my path. It was in a career direction I was interested in but it stretched my skills, abilities and knowledge enough for me to be uncomfortable with it. Actually, I was scared of it. I almost didn’t take it because a job and paycheck were on the line. I was in a good, comfortable place with my employer at the time.
But, I remembered, only in discomfort will I grow. If I remain comfortable, I will never learn to breathe under the weight and learn from the experience. So, I took the uncomfortable path. It turned out to be one of the best jobs I’ve had. Challenging and rewarding. I learned a lot of new ideas and skills and I met great people while I was at it.
Disclaimer
This shouldn’t be the only gauge on which you use to make decisions. Each choice should be weighed with respect to your goals, skillset, and individual situation. Even though it is uncomfortable, don’t go quitting your job or joining random BJJ gyms without understanding what you are getting yourself into and understanding the possible consequences.
I accepted my anecdotal job offer because it aligned with my goals and the skills needed were within the realm of possibility for me, albeit a challenge. The fact that it was an uncomfortable choice signaled to me that I would grow during the attempt whether I succeeded or failed.
Conclusion
This idea isn’t anything new. There are several articles [2] [3] [4] , a TED talk [5] and even an ancient philosophy [6] that proclaim getting comfortable being uncomfortable is something we should all strive for. However, learning it while under a very sweaty, large man as he tries to crush you into submission really has a way of driving it home.
So, why share this story?
I’m uncomfortable as a writer. I’m even more uncomfortable sharing my writing on a website. Which is why I want to do it. I want to write and I want to share. I want to see how I can grow and learn from this experience. I want to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
References
01: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu on Wikipedia
02: Why Feeling Uncomfortable is the Key to Success
03: How to get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
04: Why Feeling Uncomfortable is the Key to Success
05: Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable (TED)
06: Voluntary Discomfort: The Stoic Practice that Gets You Comfortable Being Uncomfortable